ChristmasTimeUK’s Top 30 Christmas Cracker Jokes
What do cats call an aquarium?
A sushi bar
Why did the turkey join the band?
Because it had the drumsticks
Where do penguins keep their savings?
In a snow bank
How does a Penguin build a LEGO house?
Igloos it together
What do you get if you cross Santa Claus with a duck?
A Christmas quacker
What does Santa spend his wages on?
Jingle bills
Who hides in the bakery at Christmas?
A mince spy
Where does Santa go when he’s sick?
To the elf centre
What reindeer has the worst manners?
Rude-olph
What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
Ice Krispies
What do you call an old snowman?
A puddle
What do you call Santa when he becomes a detective?
Santa Clues
How does a Christmas tree keep its breath fresh?
Orna-mints
What did the pineapple say to the salad?
Lettuce be friends
Who’s Rudolph’s favourite pop star?
Beyon-sleigh
Which of Santa’s reindeer has the best moves?
Dancer
Why did no-one bid for Rudolph and Dasher on eBay?
Because they were two deer
What did the snowman say to the robin?
I have snow idea
What do snowmen wear on their heads?
Ice caps
Why couldn’t the skeleton go to the Christmas party?
He had no body to go with
Where would you find snowmen dancing?
At a snowball
Who do Santa’s helpers call when they’re ill?
The National Elf Service
What’s Tarzan’s favourite Christmas song?
Jungle bells
What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire?
Frostbite
What are the best Christmas sweaters made from?
Fleece Navidad
What is Santa’s dogs name?
Santa Paws
How did Mary and Joseph know Jesus’ weight when he was born?
They had a weigh in a manger
How do snowmen get around?
They ride an icicle
What do you sing at a Snowman’s party?
Freeze a jolly good fellow
What did the farmer get for Christmas?
A cowculator